CF's dream diary

[CFTraveler]

I haven't tried to make sense of the connection- salt is protective and also conditioning- so there was this sense of 'duty' attached to the sense of 'fun' that swimming in a pool or soaking in a hot tub connotes- so in the pool dream I was doing the grunt work while others enjoyed the fruits, and every time I was done there was yet another one to do-a metaphor for my life as it's been going on lately.
I am not sure about where the idea that 'my helpers die' when they're 'higher level beings' comes from, except for the 'recent' event of my mother's passing- the loss of her and my grandmother (practically one after the other) may have shook up my sense of security, except that the teachers in my dream were male, and older- so sure, the salt may have been symbolic of my trying to protect one 'up there' while doing something 'down here' but I'm not sure.
What I'm sure of is that the dream character that asked me the question was probably not a self aspect, because it served as a reminder, and I get an 'outward presence' impression from him- 'he' wanted me to remember this and work it out (which I haven't completely done, BTW.)
And I do welcome more input about this, as I have some ideas based on my personal life but they don't make much sense in my mind, anyway.

[Korpo]

Hello, CF.

Remembering the gist of a dream is often tells you that you have gotten the message of the dream, so details are not necessarily important. At times I forget the whole dream but this simple message, and initially I was disappointed till Kurt explained to me that that was all I needed from the dream.

As for the teachers dying... It cannot be literal, as nobody dies in the higher planes.

Someone I know once had a dream where his teacher had died. Other symbolism in the dream suggested, indirectly, that this basically meant that the connection was lost for some reason - he had received a foggy crystal.

In this case it might be a possibility that not the teacher itself but the student-teacher relationship died instead. They might be, in a sense, no longer be helpful. (They certainly had no chance to be anymore in your dream.) What would the consequence of a teacher dying be? You have to look somewhere else for guidance. In a sense here you have exhausted the teachers/teachings available to you, but it's not quite clear where to find someone you can trust in. (Somebody who doesn't become "unhelpful" so quickly.) At least one possibility.

[CFTraveler]

At some point in the last few days I entertained the idea that I had transcended the need for one and then the next and then the next teacher, but instead of deciding I didn't need guidance I had the feeling that (in the dream) this was designed by someone in the background (parts of the scenarios were closed and I kept sneaking through the 'veils' looking for who was responsible). I never found who was responsible for this, and every being I encountered there (other students) had no awareness that they were separated by departments, and only I was aware of this in my search for who it was.
This made me think that I was still guided in an indirect way by the act of searching for whoever might be responsible for this.
So I interpret this as the idea that the agent (my Higher Self, or something similar is still guiding me, but in a nondirect way (unlike talking to guides). Or something like that?

[Korpo]

Beings that exist in discarnate states do not necessarily have the ability to move between subplanes of a larger plane. The school could be a hint to exploring the astral or the lower mental plane, for example. The feeling of "higher plane" might as well derive from being in a higher body. As a Ranger (conscious incarnate explorer) you may be able to pass between subplanes, and you experience yourself as passing between separations/veils that don't even seem to exist for Shades (for example discarnates inhabiting various levels of the astral and lower mental planes).

So, what you experienced could very well be your own representation to yourself of these observations Kurt made about the nature of the planes. It is also shared by Monroe, who as a Ranger visited those belief system territories and found people accepting them as their reality. The role of retrievals is to move people vertically between these domains to progress forward through the Afterlife. Monroe as a Ranger also experienced little limitation, and what you might see as departments he identified as rings. I think the ring model is mentioned in "Far Journeys." For Robert Bruce these departments/veils had intricate patterns on them as depicted by the original AD logo.

Guidance can arise in many forms and is not always visible for various reasons, including the developmental state of the energy body one is in. There is definitely the possibility of being guided by one's Higher Self, and this can take various forms - hunches, intuitions, guiding visions, but also the very surroundings you get drawn to when out of body. Other entities might play a role in this, in my belief they certainly do, but the highest aspects of who you are are also involved in the very process.

[CFTraveler]

Last night I had a very disturbing dream that brought back a feeling I hadn't had in years- a feeling I had at a certain time of my life in which I felt unloved, unwanted and completely alone- you could say that I was 'loneliness' personified.
In this dream I was in the same mindspace/emotional place as I was then, and I was reinterpreting things that have happened in my life (and inventing things that didn't actually happen) to justify the way I felt- I was feeling alone and rejected, so I was reexperiencing happy moments in my life (past successes in my professional life, past relationships that ended because I was done with them, and other things that were the exact opposite of what I was now experiencing- as if I were rewriting history in a very negative way, in effect denying the happy moments I have had in my life.
This was very frightening because it felt like it was me, and not 'an aspect' of me- in other people's retrieval accounts, I have always interpreted their retrievals as objectified remains that are experienced as external to yourself, but this was not this- this was as if that part of me had remained in the same train as it was at that moment and as if my life had been different- and it was horrible, something I couldn't live with.
Most of the aspect retrieval techniques I have read about involve treating the aspect as an object you integrate with, while in my case it feels more like an attempt to take over my mind with false memories and very strong, very negative emotions, emotions that threaten to overtake my own, or so it feels like that.
So if anyone has any ideas about how to deal with it, I'm all ears.

[Korpo]

It seems like you encountered the "negative editor." Memory doesn't exist in an unaltered state, I'd say, but there is a certain amount of editing going on - not so much of the memory itself, but the reaction we show when remembering it, the attached emotional energy that comes with it. You can see here how the editor works - the same events can appear in different light. In fact, these were memories you seemed to be sure of their positive nature.

In this sense, you can see how such an editor works. I wouldn't worry too much about the specific memories, I'd think they rather served as examples. The retelling of one's own life story is a powerful way to assert trends in the ego, which leads to suppression of memories that can challenge the story and editing of memories to suit the story, till finally the memories seem to mostly match up with the story one wants to tell about oneself - even to oneself!

The emotional state might you found yourself in might have been a clue to the core of such a negative editor within you that might still operate within you from that feeling. Maybe you can ask to release that feeling, especially in your dreams, and use this as a way to trickle the editor's energy up at the root.

[CFTraveler]

The emotional state might you found yourself in might have been a clue to the core of such a negative editor within you that might still operate within you from that feeling. Maybe you can ask to release that feeling, especially in your dreams, and use this as a way to trickle the editor's energy up at the root.

I'm going to have to chew this over as it seems like a very difficult thing to do. If you have any more information about this I'll be glad to look into it.

[Korpo]

Just a simple before-sleep affirmation should help prime your dreams. Maybe turning into that feeling again for a short while and then doing the affirmation.

[CFTraveler]

Another dream with a similar (past association) theme- This time I had been hired at the company I used to work at (which is now owned by a different corporation, and prob. no one I know works there anymore). The whole place was different, and I was given "my old job", to be shared with another woman. She and I were doing some work, when we were called in the office. A man said to us that the company had to cut costs, so we would be given some tests to see which one of us would stay.
At first he gave us a bunch of paperwork to do and he seemed intent on intimidating us. In my head I was thinking about my old boss, who was great, and whom I got along wonderfully, and wondered how this tool could be doing his job.
Then he gives me a test, and he asks me to identify the fragrance in question 4-B. When I look at the paper I see that there are questions 1 to 5, but no number 4. So I point this out to him. He laughs and said it was a trick test. Then he tells me he was going to fingerprint us to see if we were wanted anywhere. At this point I have closed my eyes and can see through my eyelids, (in a meditative state). He then takes my fingers as if he were fingerprinting me, and at the same time I am being told he is trying to intimidate me. I then think that at this point I am not going to turn back, I've gone too far to give up.
I think I finish the test in this state- I answer all the questions and complete whatever I was doing, and then the phone rang and woke me up. I'm not sure if I was "done" but I have the feeling that this experience (which started out as a projection, but after exit symptoms I simply decided to go to sleep) was part two of the last one, with the childhood issue.

[CFTraveler]

I find myself in someone else's house. There are a variety of people there, but the room I'm in is a girl's bedroom, and she is supposed to be a friend of my son's. (Not one I know in waking reality). I see perched in the door of a closet (on the outside, hanging) what I know (or am told is) a Tetragrammaton Robe. I wonder if I"m supposed to put it on. I then take it, and look at it, and start looking for the name that's supposed to be embroidered on it. I see that the robe is many colors and has many symbols- in all the alphabets and some symbols that I don't know.
At some point there are other people in the room, and a man that looked a lot like Dr. Oz. He is there, watching as I inspect the robe, and a girl enters the room. I assume it's her room, but she is as ignorant about the robe as any teenage girl would be, so I start explaining to them what the robe signifies.
I ask both of them to help me search for the hebrew name of God on the robe, and as we go over it, I see the Hebrew name of God,
and I then see (Idk how, because I don't read Hebrew) that the other names of God are in it in pillar form towards the back center of it- E'he'ieh (or however it's spelled) Jehova Elohim, Jehova Eloha Da Vedas, Shaddai el Chai, and Adonai Ha Aretz. I then begin to explain to them that these are the names of God, that when told in order, speak of a beginning Universality and Unmanifestation, go into the Creation of the World (and as I go downwards, I explain about God being the Word, and then being Man, and I start to wake up around the legs down (to the part when I explain that Adonai is the most individualized and 'Old/Modern' interpretation of God, when the people are too afraid to say his name because they consider him a "Lord", and how it's evolved from nothingness to concreteness.
I then start to get my marbles back, and completely wake up after having explained this to them.
As I was speaking, I got the impression that the "Dr. Oz" type already knew all this and was pleased at my interpretation/teaching. Like he was training me to teach this stuff.
Ps. this interpretation of the Middle Pillar Exercise I didn't get from studying it, so I don't know how correct it is (I do know what some of the words mean but I haven't read enough about them to know anything, really.)-So the interpretation is either subconscious, or a guess.
I guess I have some research to do.