First I want to note that my ex and I were in a very abusive relationship. Not at first, of course, but it spiralled and toward the end it was absolutely hellish (for both of us). For a long time, I was terrified of him. I would jump when I caught a glimpse of a guy who looked like him, despite the fact that we now live on opposite sides of the world and completely different continents. I used to have terrible nightmares about him, where he would represent all kinds of things, particularly "abuser", but also "oppressor" and "jailer" and similar things.

Slowly, the dreams of him grew less and less (we're talking over a twelve year period here). Last night I dreamed of him again, and it was weirdly different.

In this dream, we were broken up, but we lived near each other, in apartments at the opposite ends of a corridor. I had something I wanted to give him for some reason, some scented soap, so I went down the hallway and let myself in. He wasn't there, but his mother was (my relationship with her was more or less okay, but I've said on many occasions that she is one of the most ignorant, stupid, and fearful women I've ever known, and it's still true). I saw her, waved and smiled, said, "I'm just going to drop this off in the bathroom," and I did that, and then went to leave again.

For some reason, she got really upset by me being there, and she started threatening to get a restraining order against me and she was making a huge deal of the situation. I honestly had no negative intention, I just wanted to give this soap to the ex (in the dream, I think I was aware that he had a new girlfriend, as he did before he and I were even divorced, though I didn't care then and I didn't care in the dream), and then intended to go, without any drama. His mother, though, was having this hissyfit with me. I was quite bewildered by this, but I also felt suddenly ashamed and embarassed, as well.

Then he was there, and we were talking, and although I don't remember the conversation, it was like, "What's up with her?" and neither of us were particularly bothered by each other, but she was still really angry and upset.

I woke up just after that.

I don't know if his mother was a symbol for my own mother. In waking life, his mother would NEVER stand up to me (or anyone else) the way she did in the dream. I have no idea what scented soap means. I can't recall ever dreaming of soap or my ex's mother in my life!

I did wake with the curious sensation that something was kind of "settled" between us, though, which is weird, because I haven't even seen him since 1998. I have the impression that this is something to do with my changing or changed attitude to my screwed up past (I've made peace with it), but I can't figure out what his mother's interference is about.

Thoughts welcome. I've been pondering this all day and I'm no more clueful than I was when I woke up from it.