Sticky Wicket

[Jambu]

So....

Having some realizations this morning. One has to do with self love and loving others. Has anyone seen that old movie "Now, Voyager"? There's a line in the movie when Bette Davis is comforting a very distraught child where she says "If you want people to like you, you have to like people". This keeps playing in my mind when I ponder my social issues.

I see that I never really nurtured the concept of loving the divine within myself. Kind of hard to learn that when you've been raised by people who hate themselves - how can one teach what one never learned? Anyhow, I'm getting the idea that if I want to learn to look for the divine (the soul, the part of them that is a part of us all) in others, I really need to start looking for that within myself, first. If I can love and appreciate my self, I can begin to truly appreciate others - which brings me back to that quote.

Does that make any sense? What does one do to cultivate self love?

Any observations are welcome, I won't bite, I promise.

[CFTraveler]

I think that divine self-realization is something you come to discover within yourself. Think of the times you have done something good, because you thought it was good- that was God working through you- think of the times that you have felt good when something awesome happens to someone else- these are things that go *ding* in your head/heart- the thing is there, you just don't think of it.
I'm not sure if continuing to do 'good' things is the way, because we tend to overanalyze these things, but I think going back and thinking about the things that happened spontaneously is a way to nurture that connection.
Doing 'good' is 'good' also- but it's better if it's spontaneous, is what I'm trying to say.

[ButterflyWoman]

Kind of hard to learn that when you've been raised by people who hate themselves

*nod* I know the name of that tune.

What does one do to cultivate self love?

Well, unfortunately, I don't have any simple steps to take, because it's going to be a unique process for everyone, and it's got complexities with your worldview and other things. So there's a lot of stuff that has to change. The good news is, it can change, if you want it to.

My answer to almost everything is the combination of intention and surrender. Set the intention (i.e., decide what you want, be clear about it, and just let the Universe know what you intend) and then surrender to the process, whatever it ends up being. The surrender is actually just to make it easier, by the way, because resistance slows things down and can be painful. Going with the flow makes for an easier time of it.

So, set the intention, and then go with whatever happens.

[Jambu]

Nice - thank you.

Something that came up while pondering this, and I always seem to forget this, is to return to 'core value' - that inherent sense of worth and value that we were all born with. I had to complete an Anger Management class where we did a meditation to find out what our 'core value' feels like. What I find is that too often I'm operating out of my 'core hurts' - approaching people and situations from a stance of defense and threat detection.

I think practicing mindful presence in 'core value' mode is the Rx for what ails me, for now. I find when I'm in this mode, I feel empowered and compassionate instead of fearful and judgmental. Hmm...

For anyone who's interested - the meditation to find your 'core value' goes something like this:

Get into your calm, peaceful pre-visualization mode. Then imagine yourself walking through a vast desert. Along side you is a child. You feel the sun beating down on you, the dry wind blowing. You realize you have a problem. It's two days to the next well, but you only have enough water to sustain both you and the child for 1 day. You see the child stop walking and fall down. Her lips are dry and cracked, she is very dehydrated. What are you feeling at that moment? Are you inspired to help the child? To offer the child the water she needs? You know you won't survive if you offer your share of the water, but still you feel compelled to help. That tugging in your heart is a sense of your core value.

Another visualization is to imagine your driving up on the scene of a car accident - you pull over to see if you can help. A child, who was the passenger, is on the side of the road, crying and fearful. The sense of wanting to offer comfort and aide is what operating from your core value feels like.