I feel empty and drained. I just feel like I need energy to do anything and I don't know where to get it from. Not physcial energy but motivation/force. I feel like I need to go to a store and buy a can of life energy. I feel like I'm empty with no idea how to get more and I need more quick (not from slow build up) because If I don't get it quick I'll stay isolated not doing anything and get more stuck. I need it instantaneously.

I have an ex who I have to see for various reasons, she's a very tiring drama surrounded person, and I feel exhausted by her. i do shielding, but maintaining the shield tires me out as much as letting her drain me. I had a bad dream 2 nights ago that her and all my relatives were being nasty to me and I had my shield (in the dream it was solid and visible).

Basically that's how much I'm obsessing on my shield and how much it can protect me. But even now I feel like I have no desire or interest to keep the shield. I just feel like why not be drained, it's not like I can do anything anyway. the shield is created by emotional memories and images that I can't create now.