today's been a bit of a bummer. it's already summer. i met up with B yesterday. It went nice. We vibed. Afterwards,he said he is very attracted to me but thinks we arent compatible and should be friends. it literally makes no sense since he said chemistry is more important to him before.i think there's something else. he looked younger,and cuter in person and like a soft-hearted type. It's too bad. We were very polite to each other and everything. Afterwards,when he said what he said i stayed polite and wished him luck in finding his right person. I just cant help but feel maybe he is pushing me away. He seemed bummed too,i think saying he is just going to start focusing more on work. I think i am,too. Another bummer is,the guy G i was going to have a date with tomorrow looks like it may not pan out,he gave me his home address when i said where are we meeting and i said i don't hook up with guys i hardly know and no response yet and it's been hours. Ugh. But,at least i'm making progress and getting out there. Two dates in 2 weeks after not a single date in like a year.I need to trust the process and let it all unfold.
-that my room is finally finished
-mysteriously having more money in my account
-biotene
-relaxing music
-cuddle time with T kitten
-my outdoor cats
-my beauty
-nourishment
-iced water
-connection
-booking another job for primary career. maybe i am on my path to my goal of "becoming famous."
-lorazapam
-sleep
-newness
-TV episodes online to watch
-getting a check in the mail today
-cold coca cola
-M's husband talking to me when i felt sad today
-M's husband bringing me a donut for breakfast
-M's husband being nice to me today
-becoming more self sufficient but realizing there is still some agoraphobia there
-my therapist agreeing to write a letter that i can only work part time right now
-buying myself an om tank top and bach flower remedy to cheer myself up
-feeling almost ready to exit my gray phase i've been in
-beyond meat plant based burgers
-my phone
-my stomach starting to feel better
-night skies
-goals
-motivation
-doing some more reading today
-doing some more studying today
-reconnecting with people from the past
-faith
-hope
-getting another mental influence book in the mail i ordered
-music
-that im trying
-that i am making progress
-therapy yesterday
-compliments that i'm glowing from all the awesome skincare products i've been using
-compliments on my hair
-makeup
-my style
-great uber rates
-uber
-my gucci slides
-sportsbras
-my glitter slides
-cuteness
-self compassion