I agree with the above, and I know how you feel because I am dealing with similar issues.

I suggest getting professional therapy as well as doing an uncrossing ritual. I went through an uncrossing ritual (not quite completed yet) and already it's helped to remove one neg from me that I know of. I'm also going through cognitive analytic therapy (CAT) to help me deal with my emotions, old patterns, etc.

http://www.acat.me.uk/page/home

http://www.molochsorcery.com/uncross.html

In your case, if you've never performed an uncrossing ritual, I recommend going to a reputable practitioner. And don't be surprised if you don't get overnight results. In severe cases, it can take months to work.

Oh and one more thing. One thing I know negs hate is when we take positive action to deal with something negative. Check out The Work by Byron Katie (get the book), and do the exercises whenever your inner crap comes up.

http://www.thework.com/index.php