I feel drained..I need energy

[ButterflyWoman]

Have you done tie-cutting with regard to her? That may help. I've found that shielding only goes so far when it's someone with whom I had an intense connection (such as my parents). Cut ties and shield, do both, and keep doing it until you get some relief. Also note that psychic/emotional/mental ties are re-established very easily, often without your conscious intention or awareness. Every time you see her, you're probably unknowingly re-establishing ties/bonds. It can even happen just thinking about someone too much or in the wrong way. So cut ties, shield, cut ties, shield. Especially cut ties when you've recently seen her. Also make sure you have shielding that is specific to her, with her name on it, shaped like her, whatever works to establish that it guards against her, specifically (that's something else I had to do with my parents, particularly my father, who kept showing up in my dreams and bugging me regularly, despite him being on a different continent!).

Oh, one other thing. Be prepared for a possible backlash when you cut ties. She may not be consciously aware of it, but she'll notice it on some level and react, and it may not be very pleasant. I've had this happen more than once (particularly with my father).

[buzzcock]

thanks everyone. its just when she gets upset its like she creates chaos and confusion around her more and more, like asking for confusing help which she won't explain enough and then getting upset when people don't get it right, making you feel ashamed "your useless you cant do anything" and just keeps causing confusion untill the person loses their temper. And she doesn't really ask for comfort or hugs when she's upset but just gets angry. She had an abusive family.

Oh, one other thing. Be prepared for a possible backlash when you cut ties. She may not be consciously aware of it, but she'll notice it on some level and react, and it may not be very pleasant. I've had this happen more than once (particularly with my father).

what do you do then?


thing is i worry a "strong intent to heal the situation no matter what" would end up with me having to leave contact with the family and not see my kids. and i need them in my life and i feel they need me.

[ButterflyWoman]

what do you do then?

Cut the ties and immediately shield. Don't cut ties without having some sort of shielding prepared. I was unprepared and got knocked on my proverbial bottom from the roar of psychic rage that followed. So now when I cut ties, I have the shielding in place or ready to be instantaneously created (and I do person-specific shielding).

thing is i worry a "strong intent to heal the situation no matter what" would end up with me having to leave contact with the family and not see my kids. and i need them in my life and i feel they need me.

The question is this: Do you want to heal this situation or not? If you want that, you have to let go of it and let it sort itself out. I absolutely, one hundred percent understand what you're saying, but keeping yourself in a situation where you're being drained and everyone (including the kids) are being subject to all manner of rage, psychic draining, and other unhealthy, dysfunctional crap is not going to help anyone in the long run.