GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-going for a nice long walk today. too difficult to count miles.it was 1,2,3 or 4 miles but it was about 55 minutes of walking and felt great.i prefer counting time vs miles anyways.
-steam rooms and sweating
-eye massage
-being just about finished with my book
-inspiration. so much of it.
-feeling calmer these days and more relaxed and my paranoid delusional fears starting to disappear
-sleeping nice and deep. had a dream ex A contacted me which makes three main guys on my mind this year all having appeared in my dreams this past two weeks or so since things have changed with me. if i dream of B now,itll all be complete,even though i don't want him and the others were ones i either had wanted or they had wanted me. quite frankly,after all this time,i find B cruel and misogynistic.
-ordering a red jasper stone last night.i'm in a phase of adding healing elements to my home to make it a sanctuary and healing stones is one part of that. i'm also in a very warm phase of things of adding warming elements to me and my life.
-resisting temptations of distractions that will lower my vibe
-smores oreos
-coffee
-new ideas i'm implementing of organizing online things,updating,transforming,and adding new
-feeling in a new season and chapter. spring and summer is left behind. changes are happening all around to everyone.i feel i completed what i needed to.i was so sad when winter ended because i knew it ended a phase,and it was a phase i enjoyed.i have no idea what'll come for fall but spring/and summer were not happy for me.
-my beauty increasing
-quiet
-outside nature sounds
-the sun
-the power
-secrets
-my industry i work in
-neon colors
-having a nice flat stomach

[buttercup]

-relaxing
-logic and practicality
-calming perceptions
-ginger ale
-reorganizing some online things which felt like a relief of energy
-booking more work
-hairclips
-sweating alot during steaming
-skin smoothing out and toning up and looking cleansed
-smores oreos
-socks and slippers to care for my toes which feel damaged
-stomach being nice and smooth
-getting some work done today
-finishing up my book
-my nails and hair being in amazing condition
-an amazing bonus meditation i did last night of positive visualization which actually put me in a good mood and made me laugh more since then
-great inspirational spiritual teachers
-utilizing and remembering the power of emotions,sex,and feeling attractive. i've been adding warm elements to my life because i realize my energy has been more cold the last few years and the importance of those things with manifesting.
-how cute this cat is.today, he meowed at me while asleep
-reassurances
-going outside to look at apartment to see things to feel safe since i had anxiety about someone could break in easy here this morning
-hot tea and how relaxing it is
-letting go of clutter
-letting go of old ways of doing things,and distractions to focus in on new reality creating
-secrets
-doing affirmations in my notebook during the morning when i had anxiety attack to get me tired enough back to sleep. it's actually very helpful this method i've been doing lately.
-the affirmation i say to myself when feeling anxious of "i deserve to be here."
-feeling generally much more safe lately
-transformation
-openness and going with the flow
-water and drinking a nice 1 liter of it upon waking
-body flaws being drastically reduced and body looking more toned and smaller today
-having made it one month now living here
-clarity and quiet after finally getting rid of distractions. i now feel calmness,increased intuition and insights coming to me,more empowered,and no longer in a rush.
-my vision
-feeling more of an inner optimism that doesnt need to be declared or exaggerated
-this forum and the 11 months i believe it's been that i used this as a gratitude list and place for reflection. alot has changed since i first started it. i was in a lovely home in a neighborhood i wanted out of and just becoming lulled by a mysterious bad boy who spiced up a very hard year for me. well,it's been real. i'm amazed i kept this up for that long.
-newness
-a new month being here now
-mercy

[buttercup]

-water and how amazing it is at detoxing
-that i can change my reality at any moment
-a strong heart
-my strength
-tibetan singing bowls
-things that make me feel even just a little bit better
-yoga
-becoming dedicated to healthy living
-being giving and caring
-washing the bottom of my hair last night and how good it felt and how good of a mood i was in from being at apartment and how right it felt to be there
-coming back to my core spiritual beliefs more and more and not questioning as much
-green smoothies
-alternative healing places
-getting a good sleep today
-remembering happiness
-how safe the new neighborhood seems with random people walking alone after 10 pm
-how well lit the new neighborhood is
-my vitamins
-knowing i will overcome this
-remembering "the hero's journey" the other day and that great lucid moment of clarity and feeling of aliveness I had
-clean clothes
-friend J contacting me out of the blue which felt so nice
-friend C contacting me to hang out for two different things this week.
-forgiveness
-my heart calming down more
-deciding to order my first Seth book
-surge of desires i have for this lifetime
-finding out i can get certified for yoga and someone will pay for it for me
-pushing myself a little more today and how it benefitted me to do so
-feeling more confident about some things
-discovering acupuncture and how amazing it was and actually provided a good deal of healing for me
-deciding to do some social media boost for project i started this late summer
-desire to start new projects and desire for a loving relationship i have lately
-my best friend
-some positive changes that came afoot since october
-feeling ready to delve into life again and charge forward and manifest amazing things and be better and stronger then ever
-inspiring articles online
-meeting some goals
-making some attempts to do things
-comfort things that make me happy
-seeing benefits of tithing which is cool. idk if it's because of the tithing or what,but it's interesting. i was given $50 randomly and given chocolates during that time of the month about a week ago are two examples.
-things calming down a lot with some things which had caused me the greatest distress of all. i feel all i'm dealing with now is mainly aftereffect of all that.
-other phobic fears going away showing me more and more that all is well and that it was all in the mind
-time passing. sometimes...time passing really is one of the most healing things of all.
-peace
-calmness
-tea
-others seeing too that it's all in my mind and seeing just by looking at me in the eyes,it's all in my mind
-being thin
-being pretty
-the cat,and how adorable he is and peaceful he seems being back now with brother. and,feeling at peace now with doing things for him and not feeling guilty anymore.
-being smart and others telling me i am smart.
-healing
-inspiration
-becoming more logical and rational
-high vibration things,like this website. it's interesting how some things just have a higher energy.
-my head feeling better today
-relaxing a little right now just by doing this list!
-my denim bag i've been carrying to take my stuff from place to place
-my faith strengthening
-my subconscious cleansing
-my ocd being gone now. thanks to acupuncture. one kind of major thing completely gone. with all going on,it seems small but in actuality is pretty huge.

[buttercup]

-water
-a great acupuncture session today making me feel very relaxed and healed
-getting my book in the mail today
-chest feeling a lot better today
-head feeling much better
-feeling stronger
-my phone
-a new picture to post on my social media which made me happy as it's been awhile
-peaceful environments
-acupuncturist today telling me he thinks the stuff recommended by the other people is good and one of the best formulas and he recommends it and explained more about the product to me while being empathetic to my concerns
-feeling comfortable and cozy
-yoga
-being a unique person
-getting a good sleep again and how nice it is to be able to sleep more again
-being able to go back to apartment tonight
-being smart
-my vitamins
-my vibration lifting more and more and seeing how malleable my reality is
-mellow vibes
-feeling slowed down and patient
-blankets
-tibetan singing bowls audios
-comfortable clothes

[buttercup]

-my heart feeling better today then it has in weeks. i felt normal. i woke up feeling rejuvenated and just felt like i was healed. it was like an inner knowing. it was so interesting and i am beyond grateful.
-a delicious plant based dinner. so nice to eat vegan!
-water and how amazing it is
-getting good sleep today
-reading a lot today
-vitamins
-appreciating the peaceful feeling/vibe of the very snowy weather that came about randomly! felt like i entered a new chapter of life with the snow coming randomly as i started feeling healed and also coming so early,as if it's christmas already and just seeming to make things feel safer
-going grocery shopping today and how nice that was
-getting funky colored flowers in my favorite color and a color resonating with my chakra i'm working with the most right now,the heart chakra,and how nice it felt to have another normal happy thing
-being able to stay in my apartment again tonight
-prayer
-somehow getting my way when i got upset about something and prayed..it was so strange but i said for the highest good of all,etc,etc so perhaps universe was on my side
-how pretty and peaceful my neighborhood looks
-being able to do my little house moving ritual i've been doing
-feeling good about my herbs
-my amazing best friend
-cuddles
-delicious food at the apartment last night. was so nice to order pizza and get it delivered and have a piece of vegan turkey with it.
-forgiveness
-acupuncture and how amazing it is
-realizing how much i've been living my life as if it's a horror movie in my mind and how I can easily change that story
-things that are high vibration
-a flirtasious fb message
-feeling very strongly how much i want a relationship
-getting more things in apartment put away
-my brother's cat and how cute the cat is and the cat sleeping with me
-things getting better,little by little
-acknowledging my feelings of why i really feeling distrusting of things which feels an important part of my healing and seeing my healing come about
-this website
-positive compromise
-letting go of the anger and rage
-being proactive in getting things back on track
-being able to provide healing to my brother the other day that it seemed he really needed by doing something nice which was for me,too but that's ok and explaining something he had conflict/anger/hurt feelings about from the past months.i could tell he really needed to hear that and was grateful for the nice thing i did.
-focusing on being more giving lately
-healing that came about when the cat stayed with me for months.

[buttercup]

-my green flowers
-getting to stay at apartment again tonight so starting this week my goal is to stay there 4 nights a week
-heat
-feeling calmer with some things
-the book i've been reading getting more interesting
-heart calming down
-after thinking about something with E last night wondering about something I kind of got my answer after seeing him post something on social media. Part of me was conceited and wondered if i played a part in this after all i was a main part of his birthday party for two years in a row first by being something that made it a good one for him and then by being something that made it bad and after our kiss in spring maybe and us not speaking maybe he didn't want to deal with the question of should he invite me or not this year,it's kind of weird because he also didnt go to a festival this summer which is where we met too although he was busy but even still it is kind of funny how that works but gives me peace. i'd rather him not go,or not have a party then to have a party and not invite me or to have a party and invite me but i cant go after us not speaking all this time. then again,this is all conceited too how could i play that big of a role in someone's decison about this. it is just kind of interesting is all. plus,he may still be having something before the thing i seen today happens,just having it early. all i know is i was depressed after seeing this and hurt but it motivated me to get my life back on track and get over what's been wrong with me because everyone is living their life and moving forward and creating adventures and here i am feeling like my life has been hell since spring. i know with all my heart,i will get a major payback from the universe of major blessings once all this phase of my life is done.i am setting strong intentions of my life blossoming. every weak part of my life will get strong,and many happy things will manifest.
-apple fritter donut. so good and seasonal
-how pretty the area i live in looks
-my apartment and how nice it is and how great the lighting is
-roommate cleaning up so much.i feel bad but it's their personality to do a lot
-getting a key to my apartment today
-that starting tomo,best friend no longer teaches at that one place on monday evenings which brings us closer to goals
-wearing my new shirt i got in september that i never got a chance to wear yet because of all the back and forth stress even though it's a dressier shirt i felt it's be good for morale to wear it today to boost my mood
-having thoughts that are more pronoiac
-beauty
-how pretty the winter weather looks,though it's so bizarre how cold and snowy it suddenly got
-getting good sleep today
-getting some work things done today which felt nice.
-editing best friend's cover letter to help them
-my creativity
-just having a new apartment,new zipcode,etc and how nice that is
-colors
-peaceful things
-my computer
-comfort
-gratitude
-inspiration

[buttercup]

-music. the great uplifter. really boosted my mood to listen to some favorite songs today.
-ordering another pizza to be delivered to apartment. im vegetarian at this point but once better i will go back to vegan.
-ear getting better
-positive distractions to get my mind off the issues and how helpful it is for healing since it literally takes my mind off it
-feeling much more calmer and able to handle some things better again
-being more proactive on social media again and how helpful it is for me
-getting good sleep and feeling better upon waking
-feeling more sexual/relationship desire then i have for awhile lately
-how cute the cat is
-cleaning up the room in apartment a bit which makes me feel more settled which is nice
-that at least on monday evenings,best friend is not going to those classes anymore
-watching a movie last night and how nice that was and a great distraction and also enjoying pizza delivered at where i was staying. so many pizzas lately but it's fine for now.
-my phone
-yoga
-how much being at the apartment is helping my healing. and just doing my normal things little by little,though there's a lot i'm still able to do yet
-observing the power of my focus on healing which is motivating. my heart has been much better but then my ear bothered me more but then i noticed it was because i started to feel more impatient about the ear since it's the ear keeping me from most of my normal things and then by that,i had my ear get what seemed a little worse but then today when i focused more on the idea of ear fullness i noticed my ear felt more full after that for awhile.i literally focused my ear to feel this way.
-doing positive visualizations today and how much that lifts my vibe
-accepting the idea that i may just be "haunted" in jest since i've been attracting so many weird,creepy things lately..but they all literally have to do WITH my phobias i've recently developed so i now take it in jest and don't take it seriously and just feel more affirmed in the positive truths. one great tool for me lately is to rewind and see how i attracted the creepy thing because then i prove to myself see,i'm fine it was just this/that thought and feeling which attracted it.
-being able to express myself
-playing with healing/reiki a little bit by trying something with the cat,and it seeming to work!
-buying domain for new business and how exciting that was..to feel a glimpse of things to come for me,and new direction
-getting some business emails today which was nice since it was bringing me down getting nothing for one business thing
-letting go a little of timelines of things getting done by so and so point since i'm not welland i always have enough time to "get it all done." i miss certain things but little by little,i will get on track
-being able to use my laptop since yesterday i forgot it so had to go without it for over a day
-weather getting a little warmer
-vitamins
-pronoia
-my inner optimism
-my beauty
-my faith becoming stronger from all this
-detaching from some things until i am in a stronger place for it
-best friend getting off work earlier today. it's a time that doesn't bother me so much
-all the ideas and desires i have
-being able to use my card for a purchase today which felt nice too
-comfort
-love

[buttercup]

not the best day. made a goal of no anger or stress for at least 24 hours and had another incident cause me panic in the evening. but it's ok. i know things are getting better.
-free slices of pumpkin pie at the place where i got dinner for their "free treat wednesday" that they do.i love little things like that and it was nice seasonal touch
-my ear feeling as if completely healed all day today and most of the evening
-adding in a smidge of cardio to my day since i feel like i should push myself a little more
-crystal singing bowl audios by my favorite youtube user who has them. that user's sounds always seem to help bring me mysterious soul healing
-sweaters
-nice clothes that make me feel prettier
-my face moisturizer.
-snacks
-weather being a little warmer today and snow melted a lot
-knowing if it wasn't for all the stress,my chest and ear would probably be 100% better by now
-water
-my laptop
-all the posiitve comments on a recent social media post which was kind of uplifting
-being able to recognize where i need to cleanse my thoughts and subconscious still
-buying an acupuncture from deal site because of good vibe i got since other places aren't responding for some reason(perhaps because of the holidays or emailing wrong address)
-seeing more of how to use domain i bought last night
-being able to give the cat some attention today and spend time
-doing more positive visualizations and how much it boosted my mood
-beds
-feeling calmer with some things and feeling ready to take bigger leaps with others
-being invited out for thanksgiving and for black wednesday by different people. even though i cant go,it's nice to be invited
-my artistic side
-being able to start spending five nights in apartment per week starting tomorrow and feeling very ready and compelled to stop being where i'm currently at and spend zero time here
-reiki from best friend
-believing in amazing things
-hot tea
-dark chocolate
-believing in my recovery and how beautiful and blissful it will be
-how clear and alive the air felt today
-seeing things from new angles that take life less seriously
-the cool things i've done in my life
-based on books i've read recently,realizing my life themes may be about "overcoming"
-relaxing a bit
-surrender
-memories of times i've mastered spiritual concepts,manifested miracles and the loa to remind me of truth
-possible plans the weekend of nye that would be amazing
-the idea to prepave that just came to me as an excellent way to cleanse subconscious and create my reality
-that best friend has an audition next week at place where goals are for him

[buttercup]

-deciding to start having a mason jar of water a day to up the water i drink and detox since i found my mason jars the other day
-a great nap this evening after bad insomnia and not feeling well in the morning
-best friend getting his act together after another fight
-getting food bought for me
-snacks
-ear feeling better after nap
-crystal singing bowls from my favorite user who makes them on youtube.i feel like these heal my soul
-getting projects planned which is so good for my morale
-smiling and laughing at life
-letting out feeling to my mom about disappointment i had
--the awesome lime green table cloth that matches the color of my flowers
-getting bedroom cleaned a little more
-vitamins
-house ritual almost being done
-all the messages to people which felt good
-the amazing weather today and how great the air felt and how mood boosting it was. it made me feel so alive
-how peaceful the day felt and quiet
-a strong will to live
-seeing how my thoughts over the past months have created my fears which is so relieving
-feeling thoughts of excitement for future things and strong energy of desire which felt nice too because it showed me i'm feeling much more alive and happier
-emotional reaction to things that caused fear diminishing
-feeling more calmness with certain things
-upping cardio in between the day just a smidge here and there
-washing the half of my hair,the bottom half so at least some of my hair can feel clean
-finding out someone from one project i want to do can also do another task as well which is super helpful
-all my health food things and spices at home
-being able to spend four nights in a row at apartment starting tonight which i have a feeling is going to trigger something really good and healing in me
-being helped
-feeling more confident about my ear because of info online about it which i already knew but just hearing how common my problem is,etc,was very reassuring
-my phone
-my laptop
-acupressure
-how great my head has felt since last acupuncture
-trusting in myself and my body a little bit more
-feeling excited for the future
-confidence boosting with some things

[buttercup]

-in the darkness,you can see the stars. being able to have optimism through all that's happening. i really do see the value in contrast. my desires are stronger then ever as i feel such a strong will and inspiration to make things better and my faith becomes stronger. when i'm able to just chill and am not alone,i feel really confident and like it's all going to be ok. i just need to take this and apply it little by little when i am alone.
-snacks
-good sleep today
-my ear and chest feeling great today. feels normal
-this really great soothing music i like that seems to heal me on a soul level. it's amazing what a random user i found on soundcloud's music can do.
-realizing last night what an asking of mine has been for which triggered something healing in me.i've been looking for subjective reality worksbecause i've allowed myself to be conflicted. i want to surrender to the belief in subjective reality but havent. maybe because of fear. i've never managed to for more then a few days but when i do,life flows so well. miracles happen. but things also feel very dream like that it's almost eerie. just realizing my asking started to allow me just slightly to surrender to subjective reality and instantly boosted my mood and enabled me to feel empowered.i also realize via the loa i've believed there's not much info about subjective reality out there,and in turn for years have hardly found anything. more then anything it's always been the law of attraction and subjective reality at the core of my beliefs as these i've seen so much proof of. surrender seems to instant when surrendering to subjective reality whereas otherwise,it seems arduous for me.i don't what i'm scared of. guilt? all my dreams coming true? instant healing? because I KNOW(inner knowing) that in the subjective reality dreamscape it's not just me,there's something else,the universe is what i refer it to so i'm not REALLY alone so therefore the ones i love ARE real. it's complex but makes sense to me in ways i have trouble wording. these are the down the rabbit hole concepts i love that make sense to my soul. they just FEEL true to me based on odd experiences i've had.
-that i get to sleep at apartment tonight
-cotton balls.i put one in my ear last night and actually my ear feels better then ever now. idk if it's that,or the the subjective reality thing,but i'm grateful.
-changing bag up that ive been bringing with me
-sweaters
-my laptop
-my phone
-being calmer with some things
-a determination to be amazing
-ginger
-eucalyptus oil
-vitamins
-hot tea
-perspective
-appreciation for the moment
-this forum
-love for myself
-taking it easy and relaxing a little,moving slowly and being easy on myself
-cuddles
-believing more in high vibration things that make more sense and letting go of conflicts that are not as high vibe but more mainstream
-positive feelings
-a relatively calm day so far
-sweets