Last night dream was to show me that I am more in control of my body and life...my abuser from my childhood grabbed me around my thies and lifted me up into his arms... I had many of my relatives around seeing what happened... no one reacted...I first did keep me total kind.... I said...put me down you should be careful about your heart... as he had have heart trouble...but he just carried me around and then he tried to kiss my leg... as I saw his mouth coming nearer my leg I said firmly....back off...I will hit you...I had curled my pointing finger against my thumb, and was ready to give him a notch on his forhed.... this would be so hard that it would have injured him.... so he backed off.....he really did not understand that I fighted against him and did not let this happen.... so I can say that he has no clue still what harm he has done.... and inplanted such a fear in me with his behavings against me as a child....he is as intimitating still to me as he was in my childhood....he did decease for several years ago.... I couldn´t go to his funeral at all.