-seeing J's name everywhere after i "chose" him, though i don't know what it meant. A few days later I had to speak up about something to him and tell him the issue, and he took accountability and said sorry but didn't say why or that he'd stop and we kind of ended after that. Which made me start wonder what was the point in choosing him. Then in frustration the other day i was thinking what was the point he's not speaking to me, why did i choose him, he's practically ghost again and i was looking through receipts and like beaming neon lights calling out to me, his name flashed at me again on one out of nowhere affirming to me for some reason the universe seems to be telling me I did choose right. That's the message i'm getting.
-ordering a jacket that was inspired by me paying homage to J's style a little that i think is cute and i need a new jacket
-calming down and uplifting myself a little after the last few days of sulking and anxiety after getting deceived then fired
-starting some new year's resolutions
-seeing how much my weight blimped up in like 10 days in pics despite not doing anything except stress really,and sulking in better for a few days and that it can go down just as quick and the power of how quick i can make things change for the better
-after getting so stressed at my cat for acting crazy right when i was sulking and stressed wacking the blinds constantly for the last few days, realizing i need to appreciate him more and just compromise and give him more play time.
-the adorable and funny dirty look i caught b cat give me when he didn't get his when i got mad about the blinds when he was wacking them so i'd play with his chaser toy
-actually not getting charged a late fee for my storage unit for once
-my four leaf clover stone and the good luck it brings me
-getting smile line filler recently
-that for some reason guys seem to find me really attractive and i get a lot of attention from the opposite sex even when i'm super covered up, no makeup, and not showered.
-good movies
-music and the power it has
-ordering a lamp to improve the mood here
-catching J seeming to watch me recently when a neighbor randomly started talking to me when i was on the porch and nervously babbling and asked to sit by me. I thought J was at work and 10 minutes into this encounter his light suddenly goes on. I was laughing a lot sounding bubbly, probably flirty, but that's just how i am when i'm nervous and this guy was definitely trying to hit me up and J was trying to tell me something. I almost thought he was going to come out and say something. it was cute and flattering.
-going out to meet a friend dj-ing recently. I really needed to get out and have some kind of night out. I was losing my head. I got dressed up, wore my gucci bag and gucci belt, it was nice to be at a nice place and have drinks and just be out. Plus, J had said something before about "i need to socialize more" or something not getting or forgetting that i told him i withdrew from everyone and everything the last year and a half due to my health issues and weight gain. It's not like i'm not someone who hasn't had a full, thriving social life or knows many people so it felt good to kind of show him that because i tagged a pic of my outing on social media.
-J saying happy new year, the first text since we "ended" which was something at least
-telling J the rest of how i felt about things a few days before the new years text figuring it seemed like he might be ghosting me again, i may as well get closure and say the rest of how i felt about things with how he made feel that wasn't so great. It may have made him feel not so great but it needed to be said i think.
-meeting my goals
-that i actually did make a lot of progress last year, despite falling short of some things and having some things well fail
-fashion
-how wanted J made me feel. All the crazy excuses he made to see me, the calls, leaving his stuff here. The time we spent together.
-that i manifested J back. It kinda surprised me i did. I didn't think i even wanted to so much, or would and it just surprised me and happened like nothing but as a surprise too. At this point, in a way i feel like it's over, but in a way i feel like it'll never be over and i am just curious how our connection will further. and hope for some things but know i have to let go and move on now too because he drives me so crazy and if he's not talking to me then i can't be thinking about him except in designated time i maybe let myself at most
-how cute my cats are
-how much my cats love each other and that we are a family
-getting all my recaps done last night and this morning and closing off everything with that marketing agency
-getting paid a big check, which shows me again, i can do it, i can make good money. i did it before, it's not that hard.
-stretches
-that my food card is almost reloaded
-getting better at finessing
-my pca skin face wash
-inspirational videos
-hair ties
-my older friend J sending me a cash app the other day to cheer me up
-a girl i met at a job in october sending me a link to an app for work
-another friend sending me a link to something she did before that was hiring or might be
-my sense of style
-moving the bed to change the energy in my place
-clearing out a section of the living room to declutter/ empty it recently
-moisturizers
-having a caring heart
-being able to process things once things get a little quiet or i get out of my head a little
-finding some older pictures from work that are really cool that i dont remember seeing before
-realizing i want to open myself up to earning more money and feeling like i can
-my silver colored rain boots
-beauty
-art
-my femininity
-my desires
-inspiration
-the church stairs i like to sit at
-newness
-that i've evolved away from some of the bad from last year and year before
-being awoken to new things that excite me
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks