Things just suddenly got so crazy. I don't know what happened.
-ordering and having a 2nd humidifier arrive since this dry skin issue is really a big issue and problematic
-fixing my internet connection the other day
-nami ubering me out there and hoke when I wasn't doing well and was planning on ending my life. They helped calibrate me for almost 24 hours at least.
-my new bed I ordered arriving. It's bigger than I expected and takes up a lot of room. It's very comfortable and makes the vibe cozy but that it takes up so much room is another reminder I need out of here soon. How do the other tenants manage here in the studios?
-my spiritual crises lighting a fire under me
-my vitamin c moisturizer
-clean laundry and getting laundry done last night
-J coming back to me again. I still love him even though as recently as last night I was reflecting on how I feel like our connection is becoming more platonic and it's making me sad. Then this morning I suddenly felt a shift to loving feelings towards him and wanted to say loving things but didn't. He reached out 3 days ago with an excuse and we've been on and off talking since and he's been flirting and there's been some snapping then apologizing on my end. All this time, I feel like we've developed a connection as real people. Not just strangers. I feel like we feel more familiar to each other now and there's a little thicker of a bond, a little care there that grew from everything on his end. I've seen him change from day 1 to now. From an idiot, to a guy, to someone who ghosted me to a guy who really wanted me sexually to someone who had grew to have some care for me. From wanting to exchange numbers as neighbors to wanting romance to ghosting to reconciling to going crazy for me but wanting a mostly sexual connection to reconnecting and having some care as a human. I just don't think he sees me as only. I wish things had flowed more but I'm glad I still have him.
-my wide leg pants coming. They make me feel very stylish
-my sense of style
-music
-humor and laughing at things
-desire
-inspiration
-random kindness from others
-trying to be ok with V not talking to me since I was trying to cut her out first and it's actually mutual whyever she's stopped texting me
-movies
-having a connection with J and when he texts me
-finally getting my prescription for vyvanse. Just waiting on insurance details to have it finally in my hands
-my creativity
-trying to stay calm, positive, and determined
-my accomplishments
-cleaning wipes
-baby wipes
-knowing I create my reality and can win and switch things
-finding things to be grateful for
-hope
-my pink sculptural table
-deciding to get off topamax and having a plan to and seeing how negative it's been
-drinking water
-pierogi for lunch
-how cute my cats are
-my femininity
-being considered very attractive and high end
-my child like side
-being smart
-being kind
-the smell of rain
-colors
-peaceful storms
-m responding to me
-my hud charge almost being sent to investigation
-smell of cedarwood essential oil
-how attractive J is
-my food card being reloaded
-my resourcefulness
-reflection
-prayer
-asking for forgiveness
-trying to be open to newness
-my older friend J talking to me more
-almond milks and trail milks seeming to make my eyes work better
-trying to believe in a better reality
-doing written affirmations the other day
-showering
-four leaf clovers
-self compassion
-compassion for others
-nice pictures of myself
-being introduced to my older friend J in 2022 and having him
-being introduced to J last year and having him
-the photographer still wanting to shoot
-new ideas
-learning new things
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