ycanthropy because love is part of our learning, yes, it can turn sour.
What we call "Love" is very socially determined. We learn about love between man and woman (or man and man or woman and woman) through the example and words of others and through movies, books, advertisements, songs, etc. All of these things form our expectation of what love is. Usually, these representations don't stand up to scrutiny. They also model for us how we should respond to a "broken heart": go out and get drunk, take revenge, and so forth.
Love is not possessing or being possessed by another person. What we call love requires great commitment and sacrifice, especially once the intial infatuation passes. Often, it means a person cannot be who they truly are because it comes with a whole lot of expectations. It requires acts of suppression and often one suppresses him/herself more than the the other. Is it any wonder people tire of this? How can you develop if you're not true to yourself?
A huge amount of insecurity surrounds love. We inflate it and think it can isolate us from suffering and loneliness. We have such attachment to notions of what it should be and how it should develop that we feel desperate when it fails us. We're so high on the chemicals pumping in our bodies, we can foresee how things will develop, all those littles signs that things aren't going to be perfect.
Yet, it's a real force. Good love, that feeling of really knowing and being known, laughter, joy, friendship and sharing, is very satisfying. Without it, we feel closed off from something divine. What a beautiful idea to have someone share a large portion of your life and for you both to bear witness to eachother's triumphs, trials and tribulations.
Try to see what is happening now as readying you for your future relationships. Your experiences, ideally, should help you grow. Admittedly, not everyone does. Many become embittered, resentful and demanding because love didn't live up to their expectations and they refuse to ever be that vulnerable again. Others don't respond that way. They learn not to take it so personally, that they are fine as they are and that they don't need to have their worth defined by their relationship. They learn to really appreciate when they do find a love that works and someone who is open to the constant negotiations that are needed in a satisfying relationship. They learn to assert themselves so that they are heard and to be sensitive to the needs of others. They understand that they are separate, even if they share the journey. They learn loyalty, because they know how it feels to be on the receiving end of disloyalty. They know that if you truly loved someone then you don't wish them ill if they assert their right to end the relationship. They realise that such behaviour arises out of insecurity and ego. They are grateful for the lesson learnt.
Good luck. You will find love again, I know it.
"A dream is a question, not an answer."
(Therapist and dreamworker Strephon Kaplan
Williams)
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