Originally Posted by
abalone
I had the luck to go for a short vacation to the ocean last weekend, two days in the dunes in a tent and a bonus trip to the redwoods! It was great! I haven't slept so well in months and it was very cold! For one thing, the buzzing noise in my ears was almost 98% gone, no frequency noise at all. The voices only came around for a few minutes at the woods and beach and only because they were afraid I would get help there. There were however smaller pests, but they didn't stay for more than a bite, sort of like astral mosquitoes. But the day we started heading back it slowly but surely crept back in trying to destroy the inner peace and balance I found. The trip home was the worst trip I've had because I could feel it coming on the closer we got. I tried to hold on to the positive feelings, but they are gone now... I soooo want to go back, even if I am alone...
My question is this: I have a very quick sadness reflex, try as I might to remain firmly balanced and calm, the sexual, mental and physical invasions always break me down and I get angry and start crying. This does not help. Not surprisingly they attack a majority of the time at night (weasels and weaklings) and try to wake me up early in the morning. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with the emotional vulnerability of being attacked? I was crying in bed until 11am this morning and the fog is still with me... Its hard enough now that I a unemployed, living with totally unsympathetic parents (with no other place to go) and my right hand is in a sling. I'm losing this battle, yet again counter measures serve only to make them angrier or laugh. I had a great job in IT, my own place, even my friends are creeping me out, I keep wondering if they are part of the problem! It's gotten so that I wonder if my parents are part of the problem. My mother was alcoholic for over 20 years (we were abused), and being sober for more than a decade she also has strange physical, mental and emotional disturbances... The problem is she refuses to acknowledge them as being strange or out of the ordinary. She has a medical or alcholic explanation for everything. I've told her about my voices, she recommends I take medication. I'm 28 years old and my life is ruined! I've lost over half the volume of my hair! Every day at least 50 strands fall out. :cry: I am struggling to stay even slightly optimistic.
Bookmarks