i really need to get over bad memories

[buzzcock]

Anyway, I made the thread because, I currently do not see a permanent way out of being angry all the time. I'm fine for months and then it comes back and I'm self harming. I just felt like ♥♥♥♥ for so long, set up for constant failure, being Told constantly that I'm hated and in the way, being told constantly that I messed up , being screamed at for everything going wrong, and then begged back with suicide attempts when I tried to leave. Holding her while she talks in a baby voice "please don't leave me again, I know I act crappy but please forgive me and stop leaving me" and then being told the next day that I forced her to let me back in, when it was her begging me. I just dream of punching her all the time. I have bruises on my body from hitting it all weekend.

[IA56]

Anyway, I made the thread because, I currently do not see a permanent way out of being angry all the time. I'm fine for months and then it comes back and I'm self harming. I just felt like ♥♥♥♥ for so long, set up for constant failure, being Told constantly that I'm hated and in the way, being told constantly that I messed up , being screamed at for everything going wrong, and then begged back with suicide attempts when I tried to leave. Holding her while she talks in a baby voice "please don't leave me again, I know I act crappy but please forgive me and stop leaving me" and then being told the next day that I forced her to let me back in, when it was her begging me. I just dream of punching her all the time. I have bruises on my body from hitting it all weekend.

Hi buzzock,

I know exactly how that feel´s, I was raised up in that kind of inviroment....and when I at 17 yrs old had had it...and moved out, it was not just to leave as you may think, but being screamed at that I do not make it without them??!!...I was never appreaciated as I am...I should have be born boy...and when that did not happen, my mother accused me for being arrogant and be born to make her feel bad??!! I have tried to talk to her about these things, she does deny to ever have said these things to me....

so....buzzock....there are a saying that illustrates that we never can please everyone...so the best thing is to find out what makes me feel good and just try to please myself in the first Place and learn to say NO what is harming me...

The saying is: The one we bow infront of...will see the one who is standing behind our back...will accuse you for mooning at him....??!!

Make a stop in your life...make a good rewiew how your life is now...and take away all what harms you ...and start to say NO and get more control whom you will spend your time with...YOU are tittled to OWN life... you was not born to be a pleaser to them who does not value you or appreaciate who you are....even if they are your family...if they do not change theires behaving towards you....tell them that you can not live under harrasment and confusing...back and forth behavings....

You are strog enoug to start to value you as you are...perfect!!

When you visit your Children, you do not have to spend time at all with her...get the Children out for a play time, or take them to your home, you do not have to listen to Childrens mothers bad behavings...You have only obligations against your Children, take responsigillity as a good father, keep your mind healthy and well...so you will give quality time to your Children and take them out of that inviroment where she harrasses you infront of the Children...show to your Children that is not okay...otherwise you will give wrong Picture to accept bad behavings....you must be a good and healthy role-model to your Children...how on Earth will they know that theires mothers behavings is wrong and harmful?? You have to show them and make it stop your ex wifes bad behavings!! by saying NO...and only say..you come to see your Children, and if she does not behave good, you will not tolerate to be talked that way at.

Love
ia