GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-water
-ice cubes
-EFT tapping
-affirmations
-meditation
-my peacock print eyepillow
-deciding to stop taking zyprexa
-all the things i feel like i can do now that i held back maybe on a subconscious level because of ex best friend or just held back the last few years in general such as dating tall guys,going to nyfw again,buying another high end designer item,and so much more.
-fashion
-buying myself a chanel lipgloss that just seemed perfect
-getting a ride to work today
-hot guys
-chivalry
-my attractiveness. all the time i wonder if i'm really ugly,but all the time i am hit on so i tell myself i can't be that bad looking and i'm probably very attractive.
-my new black dress pants i wore to work today
-heels
-buying some vegan halloween chocolates i wanted the other day
-doing another anxiety challenge the other day and feeling almost ready to take the train which will be the first time in 3 years. it'll be a huge step for me.
-dental floss
-peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
-all the abundance life has been offering me lately. the money section of my life is excelling so much right now.i had been affirming heavily for money and love for the last few years so maybe now is the time for the money manifestations to be kicking in and unfolding. it feels so nice.
-how nice it feels to go and do little things by myself and how much more confident and competant i'm becoming
-buying a beautiful and inspiring artwork from france i had been eyeing for some time. it makes me think of my loved one who had passed on playing in heaven
-TV episodes of a show i've been watching online
-deep cleansing breaths
-sleep
-kittens
-pictures
-books
-getting final draft finished on article i was working on
-doing a pilates class yesterday
-fitness motivation
-how nice and helpful everyone was at my job today
-seeing G at the yoga studio the other day. it definitely boosted my mood and made my day. such a small gesture but it also showed me how i can use my thought transference with him.i slightly forced myself to think of him while there just for a few seconds thinking along the lines of "wouldn't it be nice it he showed up today." and "maybe he'll show up today." and then sure enough,that manifested. i feel like i need to not give up and use things like this to show me the world is mine,and i can have what i want and things show up because it's my desires seeking me. They wouldn't even show up if it wasn't for them seeking me. There's a quote along the lines of "Before you are called,you are answered." Our desires are not a coincidence. I get the feeling now that he may think i wasn't interested that one time he chatted with me. I don't have that ease of conversing and sunny personality like my boss.
-hot coffee

[DarkChylde]

-water
-ice cubes
-EFT tapping
-affirmations
-meditation
-my peacock print eyepillow
-deciding to stop taking zyprexa
-all the things i feel like i can do now that i held back maybe on a subconscious level because of ex best friend or just held back the last few years in general such as dating tall guys,going to nyfw again,buying another high end designer item,and so much more.
-fashion
-buying myself a chanel lipgloss that just seemed perfect
-getting a ride to work today
-hot guys
-chivalry
-...........

I took myself off of Zyprexa too , originally it's almost always given for schizophrenia , bi-polar disorder , generalized anxiety or panic , but I didn't quite fit into any of those ,( mine were spiritual symptoms) plus it made me feel "off" , it did you any good while you were on it?

[buttercup]

I took myself off of Zyprexa too , originally it's almost always given for schizophrenia , bi-polar disorder , generalized anxiety or panic , but I didn't quite fit into any of those ,( mine were spiritual symptoms) plus it made me feel "off" , it did you any good while you were on it?

nope. it had the least effect on me which is why i tried to be patient with it but then i found it was causing me to eat too much and everytime i would lay down for a bit,i would end up falling asleep quick causing me to miss appointments. It was prescribed to me to help with my paranoia but i just can't help but think antipsychotics are not for me and they should try another class of drugs to help with my anxiety/paranoia symptoms. So,i'm tapering off this now,and hoping the next one she tries is better. I also felt like I had trouble forming thoughts,as if i was stoned while on it. It just made my brain feel almost like..dumb. I would like a medicine for my anxiety so i am hoping to find something because i'm doing a lot of things that normally cause me anxiety so would like something to help me conquer those challenges. Seroquel so far has been the least bad. I went off that because it made me too tired,and kind of depressed and angry but i felt fearless on it. I've been feeling my anxiety slowly creep up on me again even with zyprexa so honestly,for me it's useless. I had tried risperidone as well but it made my heart go nuts,and abilify but that made me too hyper and i couldn't sleep on it.

[buttercup]

-that my mom will take my brother's cat
-working today
-finding hyaluronic acid in the fridge which is a key antiaging ingredient i've learned recently.
-how freaking amazing and young my face looked today. ever since my first chemical peel,hyaluronic acid,vegan omega supplement,and almond milk added to my diet my face has dropped years. It's amazing. I look the way i did when i felt younger and was just starting to experience really awesome things in my life.
-tv show episodes online i've been watching
-doing some remote influence practice today.
-my eyeglasses
-my style
-enjoying freedom
-whole foods shopping store
-desire
-hope
-a delicious glass of wine during lunch today
-becoming more confident,competant and capable while doing things alone
-sleep
-hot lattes
-having a hot latte made for me this morning
-taking shots with the people at the store i worked at yesterday. that was kind of nice.
-my beauty
-seeing the pet gate i have to get is not that expensive
-water
-hearing that ex best friend has been spending a little time alone and alone with his parents,which actually feels good to hear for some reason.
-the new hair barrete i wore today
-heels
-being told i have child-like demeanor and mannerisms
-T the little kitten. he is so sweet and nice to hold
-how beautiful my city looks at night

[buttercup]

-my eyeglasses
-earning money
-solutions
-music
-art

[buttercup]

-naps
-sleep
-water
-coffee
-hyaluronic acid
-vegan omegas
-how amazing my skin has been looking
-doing some more remote influence practice today and how helpful it was
-EFT helping me a bit
-coca cola
-sertraline
-hip stretches
-getting my reporting done with
-compliments
-seeing more and more my little unique "flaw" in wide range of people and places and how cool it is and how good it makes me feel and affirming
-healthy digestion
-my beauty
-how amazing and striking and vivid my eyecolor looked the other night. it was almost shocking looking in the mirror and seeing it. it was as if my eyecolor shifted
-having great cheekbones
-inspiration and little reminders of how to be happy,manifest,and memories
-sunshine
-having a day off work tomorrow
-my kind heart
-quiet
-style
-legwarmers
-happiness
-solutions
-earning money
-surrender
-music
-art
-smiling
-calmness
-the positive transformation i've been undergoing
-feeling my feelings
-expressing my feelings

[buttercup]

-feeling better today
-sleep
-water
-going to a yoga class today
-spending some time sitting in the grass basking in the sun and how good that felt
-getting a latte today
-peanut butter and orange marmalade sandwiches
-lunch
-my new chanel lipgloss
-how beautiful my skin looks
--hyaluronic acid and vegan omegas
-umcka
-TV show episodes online i've been watching
-freedom
-my trip i'm taking in december,and how freaking excited i am for it. it's so nice life giving me what i want after feeling stuck for so long,then all the suffering
-reflections on R from back 13,14 years ago..i met him in the month of march. it all started recently with a prompt from my therapist about an assignment with him coming to mind,but i didn't really think much about him at all,then later while bored,i thought about him a bit,and lurked him on facebook. again,not unusual. i do this when bored. then,i had a random curiosity to add him. this was partially revenge and desire to savor my freedom.since then i've found myself thinking a lot about him,and myself back then,and those experiences we had. i am wondering if this was not a coincidence. after all,he was the guy i had liked right before i met ex best friend. if ex best friend and i had never met,would more have happened between me and R at some point? I can't help but think is a good chance that yes it's possible. the rift between my female best friend would've never happened,and it's more then likely i would've seen him again eventually. But,when i met ex best friend,all that changed. If ex best friend and i had broken up sooner,and left each other's lives,would me and R have encountered each other eventually and there been a reconciliation. The point is R,leaves off where I was before I met ex-best friend. And I can't help but wonder if my thoughts aren't random but perhaps,it's serendipity that i added him and now have been thinking about him. Maybe there's something i'm meant to heal. Meant to finish.
-dental floss
-being about 1/3 of the way there towards an item i'm saving up fot
-great uber deals
-finding an old branded tablecloth to give to the outdoor cats
-my beauty
-going to starbucks for a bit today
-fashion
-nightskies
-how happy it makes me to see the other new kitten's eyes all healed up and how beautiful she looks and her being so full of energy.
-comfort
-laughing
-learning

[buttercup]

-coca cola
-finally ordering myself nice bedsheets in a chic gray color so i can finally get rid of the eyesore yellow sheetset in my bed
-going to the movies today
-getting a much needed long awaited apology from L today. laughing in the morning at his text and the chemistry that's still there despite me not being able to be with him. It was a surprise. I thought i'd never hear from him again.
-T the tiny little kitten and how adorable he is. i love how playful and curious he is.
-music
-beautiful night skies and the breeze
-getting my brother's cat transported to my mom and knowing he is in good hands and in a better place now and able to be reunited with his brother cat.
-being complimented today by neighbor downstairs at my dad's apartment and told i'm very pretty.
-buying myself a white vanilla raspberry cake from whole foods since the cakes always look so pretty and I wanted one for a bit now
-sleep
-social media approval and support
-becoming more confident in some ways
-uber
-hot coffee
-mango blackberry tea lemondade
-M putting more money in my account for ubers
-being closer to my goal of what i've been putting my setaside money for. i'm about a third of the way there. i love that this is helping me learn to save money and since i'm going back to the basics and learning,I think thats great for me now.
-goals
-how freaking excited i am for my trip to california this winter
-hip stretches
-working today
-that i get to go to the gym for free and am going to start going at last 4 times a week now
-new possibilities

[buttercup]

-L apologizing. I don't know what possessed him to do so,and he is perplexing to me,but i'm glad he did.i'm also glad i came clean about some things now that ex-best friend is out of the picture and it feels easier to do so.
-the beautiful nightskies
-the breeze
-sunshine
-the little kittens and the cats in the yard. they make me so happy.
-water
-coca cola
-great uber rates
-going to the gym and getting a great workout in and seeing some results today from working out as well. getting in a little bit of a sweat.
-yoga pants
-how great my lower body looks
-how feminine my legs are
-music
-being more then half way close to my goal of what i am currently saving up for
-throwing away a momento from ex best friend and bringing in the trunk in my room to start going through it finally. it was cathartic and is time.i won't throw away every momento but i finally feel at a place to throw away some.
-how amazingly young my face looks lately ever since starting chemical peels and certain supplements.i literally look a new person. i love it.
-hyaluronic acid
-vegan omega acid supplement
-chemical peels
-M wanting to stop at a store near the gym and insisting on me picking out a few things. she is addicted to shopping. it literally fills her to buy things for others. she is constantly buying things for her dance instructor such as chocolates,cakes,vitamins,and now today even socks she picked out for him. I picked out a buddha statue,some leg warmers,and agreed to a garbage can for my room that she really thought i should have.
-my hair barrette
-sleep
-orange marmalade
-my peacock eyepillow
-finally doing some meditation again,and sure enough it helped lift me out of my funk
-quiet
-making some calls and getting in a 2nd opinion appointment for tomorrow morning.
-laughing
-being confident enough to do more things on my own that i couldn't do before
-that the psychiatrist has agreed to try me out on propranolol in 3 weeks once she gets back from vacation that way i have time to see how a med she put me back on works first so i'm not trying a new one at the same time.
-getting a text from a friend today
-becoming more confident

[buttercup]

-water
-coca cola
-music
-getting in a good workout today and seeing results starting to come in from all the fitness
-my hair barrette
-being considered attractive
-L apologizing. Despite how annoyingly perplexing he is,it is something very healing for me for him to do that
-healthy digestion
-doing a little reading today
-M's husband picking me up from dentist and bringing me jelly donuts and my almond milk latte i like
-kittens and how adorable they are.i love watching them play everyday. the two babies wrestle and play and then cuddle with each other. so cute.
-the internet
-putting more money in my setaside account
-getting my check today
-buying myself some cool neon yellow knee high socks
-great deals. it seems i keep manifesting more and more amazing deals coming into my life.
-watching some TV episode of a show online today
-how awesome this thanksgiving will be and christmas with my new life situation
-sunshine
-sweaters
-finding a root canal IS covered by my insurance
-mouthwash
-finding M can bring me on thursday to my job since her thing she was supposed to do had to get rescheduled. life is always working out for me.
-seroquel. since so far it seems to be the best med to quiet my mind and anxiety. just need to make sure not to take more then my prescribed dose otherwise i end up not feeling well.
-getting my purse cleaned out
-being able to get a pet bed and canned cat food for the cats since i had to purchase something for a job i did today
-sleep