Sinera's Lucidiary

[Sinera]

28/Oct/2011
The Light Switch

As I am on a dry period, this is just a dream-state experience again, but I need to put it in here as in a funny way it's heavily related to my most usual "exit mode".
This exit mode happens when I am phasing/jumping into "Portal 1" - which I regularly do, and I assume with ca. 50% of it in initial exit blindness (e.g. see Oct 8th and many before, alone or with "Ludmilla" aka "Gálaca" or other (one or two) helpers), still I know it to be "Portal 1" by 'mind-sensing'.

This one is a funny example that shows how in subconscious dream state I can counteract my own conscious intentions (affirmations, plans) which I define and decide on in wake/lucid state. Before going to bed one of my affirmation was to reach the portal and that the lights are always on - as a precaution against exit-blindness .

This is what happened: In dream state, I get 'awake' in bed in my "Portal 1" (just a reminder to non-subscribers of my log: That's my childhood bedroom in my childhood home). I have this often in dream state and I would tend to call it a "False False Awakening" as I often do not get lucid at all and it is not an "RTZ"-OBE-Awakening (means: your present bedroom).

I see the lights are on and they disturb me as I am tired and want to go on sleeping. So I get up in order turn the lights off. The switch, however, is not where it usually is: It is in the middle of the room, dangling from a cable attached to the ceiling in mid-air. I take it and turn the knob. No reaction, it does not work, the lights stay on. I try again and again. No result.

Then I hear a voice from the corridor (door remains shut). It might be my mother talking to s.o. else: "Look, now he is cheating again."

My memory got lost what happens after that exactly. Maybe finally it worked and I switched off the lights and went 'back to sleep' again.

Comments / Afterthoughts

Really interesting: I tried a precautionary measure in conscious state, and it actually worked but then my sub-conscious mind sabotages it? And so we always have to fight our subconscious motives or mind in dreams when we try to get lucid?

Two more interesting things related to this "theme" is: the 'exhibited' and 'centralised' nature of the light switch and the voice of my mother.

Maybe the first aspect really indicates that it was the 'central' theme of the experience? But what or how to learn from it now?

As described above (FFE), often I 'wake up in dreams' in (a) bed and think that I am awake but am in entirely strange environments (e.g. I remember that once I even was in a park). Still, despite the strange enviroments and situations, you do not get lucid enough and your sole motive is to carry on with your sub-consicous 'programming' that you are in bed and just "need sleep".
This is hilariously funny if we think about it. It also reveals the inner struggle between the conscious and sub/un-conscious mind('s programming).

The voice of my mother could be the voice of my (higher?) conscious mind created symbolically in the situation given in order to remind me of my own 'cheating'. Actually, I cheat my"self". The cheat would then be the betrayal of myself and my conscious intentions by the indulgent yielding to the subconscious mind (that prefers all the time to get back living through and processing experiences in a deep unconscious sleep state).

So far, I am losing the battle against this "COUNTER-AGENDA SUBCONSCIOUS DRIVE" almost every night. But I have not given up hope that one day I might win one again.